We are adraid. Of truth.
We want to live in the world that does not see what is real. We want to tell everyone that the "act" (we don't even want to name the act) does not exist. More importantly we want to tell ourselves that the "act" does not exist. So in our less than perfect world, we live in constant denial phase of the not so uncommon "act".
And that's what we teach our kids. That it doesn't exist.
When the child says he/she doesn't like milk, we tell them "No, milk is good for health. You must drink it."
When the child says they don't like this pair of pants, we tell them, "No. How could you not like this pair of pants? It's a good one. You must wear it."
When the child says I don't like this uncle / aunty / relative, we say "They're so good! You must go to them and shake hands."
1. What are we telling them?
When the child comes out of the shower without his/her underwear, we say "Shame! Shame! Don't come out like this."
2. What are we telling them?
.
.
.
Child: Oh.. I don't like this person but mom/dad say they're good. I don't like this.. I am confused.. Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? Am I bad?... I can't tell them I don't like this uncle / aunt. I must obey them... They say they love me.. I don't like it.. I am a bad child... I should be punished... I am afraid I will die... I am afraid they will hit me.. I don't want to feel anything.. I will close my eyes.. Nothing ever happened.. No one will ever know.. This can not be happening.. I don't know what this is.. I am a bad child. This is what I deserve.
1. What did we tell them?
Don't trust your instinct. Ever.
Consequence: When a child faces sexual abuse they are confused. They feel "I don't understand what is right or wrong, what I should / should not like, should or should not do. I should obey my elders. I don't feel good about this, but they must be right. How can I defy my elders?"
2. What did we tell them?
You don't show your private parts to people or talk about them.
Consequence: When a child faces sexual abuse they can not tell since they have been trained not to talk about it. They have been told, this is a bad thing to talk about. Don't be a bad boy / girl!
Our dead self forces them to drink the poisonous potion of silence.
It's an evil so prevalent in Indian society, yet kept under wraps because of social pressures.... real as well as imagined. And the children pay the price.
ReplyDeleteThe Children Pay ~ we Paid as children ~ growing up into damaged adults ~ who can't protect their children ~ hence screw up the present and the future
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