Sunday, September 20, 2020

Am I enough?

Shruti: I'm not applying for the editor's position. I'm not qualified. They require someone who's experienced in the crimimal justice system that I have no idea about.
Stuti: Come on! Didn't your paper get accepted in the Journal of Criminal Justice a few weeks ago? And what about that talk you gave to their team on ethical journalism?
Shruti: Oh the paper was just a one-off case and yeah I gave a talk, so what? They have someone give a talk every year. All of the speakers don't end up as editors there.
Stuti: Why don't you just coil up in your bedroom and write about how you're dealing with your imposter syndrome then instead of actually dealing with it?
Shruti: I am dealng with it! Now get off my back!

Imposter Syndrome. The constant feeling of not being enough inspite of data pointing to the contrary. Whether it is settling for a partner who you know isn't right for you, or not applying to that job you wanted and are qualified for but you think you're just not ready. Constantly expecting too much of yourself giving little credit when you achieve those feats. Feeling not pretty enough or intelligent enough or capable enough. Imposter syndrome affects 70% of the pepople at least once in their life. If this is happening to you, you are not alone.

An hour later Shruti was typing away her cover letter for the editor's position when she gets a call. It was her friend, Ravi.
Ravi: Hey Shruti! Want to go to a party tonite? I'm trying to impress the hiring commitee of the Journal of Criminal Justice and I need a pretty date.
Shruti: Oh! You're planning to apply to one of their roles?
Ravi: Yeah! They have an editor's position that opened up recently. What do you think?
Shruti: I think I'll apply to it too Ravi. Do you still want me to come with you?
Ravi: Haha! Sure you can. I'm not competing with you. See you at 8?
Shruti: Sure. See ya!

The negative self talk isn't all in your head. Sometimes it's an internalised form of the lack of belief in your trusted personnel.

Ravi: Thanks for the wonderful evening Shruti. I saw that you were speaking to one of the hiring commitee members. Did you put in a good word for me?
Shruti: Yes I did, however they didn't seem to want to talk about...
Ravi: I know. I wouldn't either. With you around, I'd want to talk about you too.
Shruti: Let me finish Ravi, he seemed interested in my work actually.
Ravi: Oh! Of course! That's what I meant too. Good Night Shruti
Shruti: Good night Ravi

~~ Few days later ~~
Shruti: This is Shruti Singhal. I am joining as an Editor today. Where do I report?

And sometimes you need people to not believe in you for you to believe more in yourself.